You show up here, after seven years, without so much as a “Hey there, Jake, remember me… your wife!” Or a, “Hi honey, lookin’ good. How’s the family?―Jake Perry

You can’t ride two horses with one ass, sugarbean.―Earl Smooter

You’re the first boy I ever kissed, Jake, and I want you to be the last. ―Melanie Camichael

You are just like your father. One minute you’re brilliant and you’re controlled, the next thing you’re throwin’ it away on some piece of ass!― Mayor Katherine Hennings

I can’t control her, any more than I can control the weather. ―Jake Perry

The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back. ―Melanie Camichael

You know, for someone who’s been holdin’ onto somethin’ for so long, you’re pretty quick to let it go.―Stella Kay

Well, for starters, you can get your stubborn ass down here and give me a divorce.―Melanie Camichael

Honey, just cuz I talk slow doesn’t mean I’m stupid.―Jake Perry

Some people might call ’em spoiled, but I think that these almost ruined ones sometimes make the sweetest jam.― Pearl Smoother

Oh it’s you that owns that ghastly car is it? We often see it when driving to Windsor Castle.

Well, you’ll never fly in it, you’re too fat to be an astronaut.

It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons.

People say after a fire it’s water damage that’s the worst. We’re still drying out Windsor Castle.

Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don’t you have a slogan: ‘Kill a cat and save a bird?’

The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion.

I don’t think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.

If it doesn’t fart or eat hay then she isn’t interested.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.

I cannot lead you into battle. I do not give you laws or administer justice but I can do something else – I can give my heart and my devotion to these old islands and to all the peoples of our brotherhood of nations.

I know of no single formula for success. But over the years I have observed that some attributes of leadership are universal and are often about finding ways of encouraging people to combine their efforts, their talents, their insights, their enthusiasm and their inspiration to work together.

The lessons from the peace process are clear; whatever life throws at us, our individual responses will be all the stronger for working together and sharing the load.

At its heart, engineering is about using science to find creative, practical solutions. It is a noble profession.

The upward course of a nation’s history is due in the long run to the soundness of heart of its average men and women.

In remembering the appalling suffering of war on both sides, we recognise how precious is the peace we have built in Europe since 1945.

Like all the best families, we have our share of eccentricities, of impetuous and wayward youngsters and of family disagreements.

It’s all to do with the training: you can do a lot if you’re properly trained.

You know what’s the biggest luxury? Pooping when no one is home. –Abbi

The four Rs, my friend: reduce, reuse, recycle, Rihanna. – Ilana

I would take you on my shoulders, like, I’d strap you up, and I’d be like ‘let’s go to hell. –Abbi

Do you ever get hair from your head stuck in your butt crack in the shower? – Ilana

Nose, vagina, butthole. If God didn’t want us to put our fingers in there, then why did she make them perfectly finger-sized? – Ilana

We ran into like a pickle. . . wall. I don’t know what the saying is. – Ilana

I was curious to see if you were still selling the greenery. Cuz I’m looking to buy some um greenery. –Abbi

I was so worried that I baked a whole cake. And then I ate a whole cake. – Lincoln

I think you deserve, like, an ‘Abbi Bueller’s Day Off. – Ilana

I know you from your ass better than I know your face. – Ilana

Look at the stars. The great kings of the past look down on us from those stars… So whenever you feel alone, just remember that those kings will always be there to guide you. And so will I.

Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures, from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope.

That’s beyond our borders. You must never go there, Simba.

Look, Simba, everything the light touches is our kingdom.

There’s more to being a king than getting your way all the time.

Simba, I’m only brave when I have to be. Being brave doesn’t mean you go looking for trouble.

A king’s time as ruler rises and falls like the sun. One day, Simba, the sun will set on my time here, and will rise with you as the new king.

Remember who you are. You are my son, and the one true king. Remember who you are.

When we die, our bodies become the grass, and the antelope eat the grass. And so we are all connected in the great Circle of Life.

Scar! Brother…HELP ME!

Hakuna Matata! – Timon

Everything you see exists together in a delicate balance. As king, you need to understand that balance and respect all the creatures, from the crawling ant to the leaping antelope. – Mufasa

There’s one in every family, sire. Two in mine, actually. And they always manage to ruin special occasions. – Zazu

Why won’t he be the king I know he is, the king I see inside? – Nala

There’s more to being a king than getting your way all the time. – Mufasa

Oh yes, the past can hurt. But from the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it. – Rafiki

Change is good. – Rafiki

I laugh in the face of danger. – Simba

You can’t change the past. – Simba

It’s times like this my buddy Timon here says: you got to put your behind in your past. – Pumbaa

I did the right thing, Michael. If I don’t fire them, how do I teach a lesson to others?

I’m a saint, you know. I’m a living saint; and I get absolutely nothing out of it.

She thinks I’m too critical. That’s another fault of hers.

If you weren’t all the way on the other side of the room, I’d slap your face.

I want to cry so bad but I don’t think I can spare the moisture.

I don’t understand the question and I won’t respond to it.

In this business of show, you have to have the heart of an angel and the hide of an elephant.

What an adventure gang, I thought homosexuals were pirates. But it turns out they were actors in the local theatre!

Why am I the only one that seems to get how much trouble this family is in?

I believe in aliens. I think it would be way too selfish of us mankind to believe we are the only life forms in the universe.

Sometimes you don’t know who you can and cannot trust. I still learn that over and over again.

Rocker dudes don’t have a lot of swagger.

I learned that you go through things, you deal with them and that’s what empowers you and ultimately makes you a happy person.

Recovery is something that you have to work on every single day and it’s something that doesn’t get a day off.

Creativity is what helps me escape a lot of my inner demons.

I think scars are like battle wounds – beautiful in a way. They show what you’ve been through and how strong you are for coming out of it.

I try to keep it real. I don’t have time to worry about what I’m projecting to the world. I’m just  busy being myself.

Never be ashamed of what you feel. You have the right to feel any emotion that you want, and to do what makes you happy. That’s my life motto.

Your birth is a mistake you’ll spend your whole life trying to correct.

People used what they called telephone because they hated being close together and they were scared of being alone.

Sometimes you do something, and you get screwed. Sometimes, it’s the things you don’t do, and you get screwed.

Maybe humans are just the pet alligators God flushed down the toilet.

We all die. The goal isn’t to live forever. The goal is to create something that will.

Sticking feathers up your butt does not make you a chicken.

The only way to find true happiness is to risk being cut open.

Our generation has had no Great War, no Great Depression. Our Depression is our lives.

Rock n’ roll don’t come from your brain. It comes from your crotch.

You know what punkers don’t do? Call themselves punkers.

Why don’t you pick on someone your own size? There’s a bus on the parking lot!

Do you know what happens when you put a rotten banana in a fruit bowl? All other bananas go rotten.

I hate astrology. What, everybody born on the same month is going to have the same life?

You’re not a loser because you’re having sex. But if you weren’t having sex, we could definitely debate the issue.

I don’t need another friend. I already have two. I mean, how many more friends does a guy need?

All right, kids, hurry to class. Last one to class, first one on welfare. It’s your choice.

Everyone’s a Democrat until they get a little money. Then they come to their senses.

I just want to be old enough so I can go to bars. Everything fun in this world happens in bars.

Friends can make you feel that the world is smaller and less sneaky than it really is, because you know people who have similar experiences.

At times the world may seem an unfriendly and sinister place, but believe that there is much more good in it than bad. All you have to do is look hard enough and what might seem to be a series of unfortunate events may in fact be the first steps of a journey.

Perhaps I should just bury myself and become a diamond after thousands of years of intense pressure.

Read about things that wouldn’t keep you up all night long, weeping and tearing out your hair.

Summer seems so cold without you, winter is even colder.

You don’t spend your life hanging around books without learning a thing or two.

Never trust anyone who has not brought a book with them.

Literature doesn’t exactly have a strong mental-health track record.

Everybody will die, but very few people want to be reminded of that fact.

I may not be able to see, but I can smell a bitch a mile away.

People aren’t dolls, you can’t just play with them and then put them back in the box.

Everyone’s got a life that no one knows about.

Sometimes the best thing you can do is take a step back and give yourself a chance to breathe.

You’re leaving because it’s easy to walk away than to fight for what you really want.

The rich girls steal, the pretty girls lie, the smart girls play dumb, and the dumb girls are trying to be all of the above.