Medical Jokes

Most of us are afraid of doctors. This kind of unpleasant experience leaves us to not trust them. The serious types of doctors are the ones who emanate serious aura. But you have to know that even doctors have a good sense of humor. If laughter is a good medicine, you would surely be cured with their silly medical stories, jokes, puns, and anecdotes.

Here in QuoteReel.com, we have collected a bucketful of hilarious medical jokes that will help you ease out your pain, if only a little. So, sit back and relax and let these jokes heal your soul – so to speak.

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“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible”

“Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

Two friends who are doctors are engaged in a heated argument.

Doctor 1: I was told that you are having sex with your patients.

Doctor 2: So what? I’m not the only doctor in the world who does that.

Doctor 1: But dude; you are a veterinarian!

My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. He was right—I feel ten years older already.

Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.”

Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

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Q: What is the difference between a Vitamin and a Hormone?

A: You can’t hear a vitamin.

A sign on a cosmetic surgery clinics says:

“If life gives you lemons, a simple operation can give you melons.”

My therapist told me that a great way to let go of your anger is to write letters to people you hate and then burn them. I did that and I feel much better but I’m wondering… do I keep the letters?

Q: Did you hear about the optometrist that fell into his lens grinding machine?

A: He made a spectacle of himself.

When someone asks me if I’m seeing anyone, I automatically assume they’re talking about a psychiatrist.

Bloke in hospital with 60% burns, Dr. says, “Give him two Viagra.”

Nurse asks, “Do you think that will help?”

Dr replies, “No but it will keep the sheets off his legs!”

Doctor: You are very sick. You are going to die.

Patient: I don’t believe it. Can I get a second opinion?

Doctor: Yes of course. You are very ugly too.

I always feel better when my doctor says something is normal for my age but then think dying will also be normal for my age at some point.

A mother complained to her consultant about her daughter’s strange eating habits.

–“All day long she lies in bed and eats yeast and car wax. What will happen to her?”

–“Eventually,” said the consultant, “she will rise and shine.”

A man walks into the clinic and the doctor says, “You haven’t seen me for a while.”

The man replies, “Yes, I’ve been blind.”

Question: Does an apple a day keep the doctor away?

Answer: Only if you aim it well enough.

Doctors are saying not to worry about the bird flu because it’s tweetable.

A young woman was taking golf lessons and had just started playing her first round of golf when she suffered a bee sting.

Her pain was so intense that she decided to return to the clubhouse for medical assistance.

The golf pro saw her heading back and said, “You are back early, what’s wrong?”

“I was stung by a bee!” she said.

“Where?” he asked.

“Between the first and second hole.” she replied.

He nodded and said, “Your stance is far too wide.”

My doctors’ office has two doctors on call at all times. Is that considered a pair a docs.

The therapist asked my wife why she wanted to end our marriage. She said she hated all the constant Star Wars puns. I look at the therapist and said, “Divorce is strong with this one!”

Did you hear about the guy who lost his whole left side? Well, he’s all right now.

Patient: “Doctor, I’m addicted to ‘The Family Feud’ game show. What’s wrong with me?

Doctor: “Well, the survey says…”

Are you into doctor jokes? Well, we have gathered enough to keep you laughing from dusk until dawn.

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