When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.”

No! Please don’t eat me! I have a wife and kids – eat them!

Say yes far more often than you say no.

Marriage is the bond between a person who never remembers anniversaries and another who never forgets them.

Beauty fades and so will his eyesight. There’s no sense worrying.

I love being married. It’s so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.

Always remember the three words, “Let’s go out.”

Never go to bed angry.  Stay up and fight all night.

Marriage is a wonderful institution… but who wants to live in an institution?

If you want your wife to listen to you, then talk to another woman: she will be all ears.