Oh it’s you that owns that ghastly car is it? We often see it when driving to Windsor Castle.

Well, you’ll never fly in it, you’re too fat to be an astronaut.

It looks like the kind of thing my daughter would bring back from her school art lessons.

People say after a fire it’s water damage that’s the worst. We’re still drying out Windsor Castle.

Cats kill far more birds than men. Why don’t you have a slogan: ‘Kill a cat and save a bird?’

The problem with London is the tourists. They cause the congestion. If we could just stop the tourism, we could stop the congestion.

I don’t think a prostitute is more moral than a wife, but they are doing the same thing.

If it doesn’t fart or eat hay then she isn’t interested.

When a man opens a car door for his wife, it’s either a new car or a new wife.