When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying “Damn, that was fun.”
A good friend will help you move. But a best friend will help you move a dead body.
Friends buy you food. Best friends eat your food.
We’ve been friends for so long I can’t remember which one of us is the bad influence.
Real friends don’t get offended when you insult them. They smile and call you something even more offensive.
Friends give you a shoulder to cry on. But best friends are ready with a shovel to hurt the person that made you cry.
I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – I have friends in both places.
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with.
Good friends don’t let you do stupid things… alone.
Knowledge cannot replace friendship. I’d rather be an idiot than lose you.