Q: Why do Norwegian ships have barcodes on them? A: So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: “you mathematicians don’t know your limits.”
A blind man walks into a bar. And a table. And a door. And a staircase.
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks “What’s so magical about it?” the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies. The bartender shakes his head and says. “Y’know, you’re a real jerk when …
Q: What did the Bartender say when two jumper cables walk into a bar. A: You guys better not start anything in here.
Q: What does a termite say when he walks into a bar? A: Is the bar tender here?
This grasshopper walks into a bar, and the bartender says, “Hey! We have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper replies, “Really? You have a drink named Steve?!”
Two cannibals walk into a bar and sit beside this clown. The first cannibal whacks the clown on the head and they both start eating the clown. Suddenly the second cannibal looks up and says, “Hey, do you taste something funny?”
A chicken walks into a bar. The bartender says “We don’t serve poultry!” The chicken says “That’s OK I just want a drink.”
Q: What do you call a basement full of women? A: A whine cellar!
Q: Why didn’t the bartender serve the snake? A: Because he couldn’t hold his beer.
A guy walks into a bar and orders 12 shots. Before the bartender even returns with the check, the man has slammed back half of them and shows no signs of slowing down. As the guy finishes his final shot, the bartender asks, “Why are you drinking so fast?” The guy wipes his mouth and replies, “You would be drinking …
Two friends are walking their dogs together. One has a big black lab, while the other has a minuscule chihuahua. They pass a bar and the lab owner says, “Let’s get a beer.” The chihuahua walker complains, “That would be great, but we can’t take our dogs in there.” The first responds, “Watch me.” The lab owner strolls in with …
A mushroom walks into a bar and orders a drink, but the bartender yells at him to get out before he stinks up the place. The mushroom looks taken aback and says, “Why? I’m a fun guy.”
A duck walks into a bar and says to the bartender, “I’d like to buy some peanuts.” The bartender says, “Sorry, don’t sell peanuts.” The duck leaves. The next day, the duck returns and again says, “I want to buy some peanuts.” The bartender replies, a bit gruffly this time, “I already told you I don’t sell peanuts.” The duck …
E-flat walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve minors.”
A gorilla walks into a bar and says, “A scotch on the rocks, please.” The gorilla hands the bartender a $10 bill. The bartender thinks to himself, “This gorilla doesn’t know the prices of drinks,” and gives him 15 cents change. The bartender says, “You know, we don’t get too many gorillas in here.” The gorilla replies, “Well, at $9.85 …
A man walks into a bar and sees his friend sitting beside a 12-inch pianist. He says to his friend, “That’s amazing. Where did he come from?” The friend pulls out an old lamp and tells him the genie inside will grant him one wish. The man rubs the bottle, and to his amazement, a puff of purple smoke spews …
A guy walks into a bar after a long day at work and orders a drink. As he sits there, mulling over his day, he hears a high-pitched voice say, “That shirt looks great on you!” The man looks around, doesn’t see anything, and returns to his drink thinking nothing more of it. But then, a moment later, the voice …
Three vampires walk into a bar. The first one says, “I’ll have a pint of blood.” The second one says, “I’ll have one, too.” The third one says, “I’ll have a pint of plasma.” The bartender says, “So, that’ll be two Bloods and a Blood Lite?”
A guy walks into a bar and asks for 10 shots of the establishment’s finest single malt scotch. The bartender sets him up, and the guy takes the first shot in the row and pours it on the floor. He then takes the last shot in the row and does the same. The bartender asks, “Why did you do that?” …