Political Jokes

According to the Greek philosopher Aristotle, humans are political animals. We live in a society that is governed by laws and customs. The society then creates and maintains a government that will enforce these rules and customs that would be followed by its citizens. By doing so, people will be forced to choose which side to take. However, no matter how serious subject politics is, we can’t help but be amused by the funny turns that our politicians do either during their incumbency or during their stands on important issues.

But no matter what side are you on this complicated political spectrum, you will surely love these political jokes that we have collected for you.

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A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN. The only question asked was: “Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?” The survey was a huge failure. In Africa they didn’t know what “food” meant. In Eastern Europe they didn’t know what “honest” meant. In Western Europe they didn’t know what “shortage” meant. In China they didn’t know what “opinion” meant. In the Middle East they didn’t know what “solution” meant. In South America they didn’t know what “please” meant. And in the USA they didn’t know what “the rest of the world” meant.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common: they should both be changed regularly… and for the same reason: they’re both full of crap.

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, “What is politics?” The dad says, “Well son, let me try to explain it this way: I’m the breadwinner of the family, so let’s call me Capitalism. Your mother, she’s the administrator of the money, so we’ll call her the government. We’re here to take care of your needs, so we’ll call you the people. The nanny, we’ll consider her the working class. And your baby brother, we’ll call him the future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense.” The little boy goes off to bed thinking about what dad had said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has soiled his diaper. The little boy goes to his parents’ room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny’s room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed. The next morning, the little boy says to his father, “Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now.” The father says, “Good son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about.” The little boy replies, “Well, while capitalism is screwing the working class, the government is sound asleep, the people are being ignored and the future is in deep shit.”

Our government always struck me as having many layers. But I no longer think that, not after this e-mail from an associate in another country: “I demonstrated the product to the Minister of Defiance and his Chief of Stuff.”

1443

Artificial hearts are nothing new; politicians have had them for years.

Mack McGinnis

Moses was walking down the street when he bumped into George W. Bush. “Hello,” Bush said. “Nice weather we’re having, huh?” Moses took one look at the President, turned, and ran in the other direction.

The next day Moses was walking down the same street and there was Bush. Again he tried to initiate a conversation. Again Moses turned and ran away.

Bush was tired of this bizarre treatment, so the next time Moses ran away from him, Bush followed. When he caught up, he asked Moses what was wrong.

Moses said, “The last time I talked to a bush I spent 40 years in the desert.”

Crime does not pay… as well as politics.

Alfred E. Newman

Politics doesn’t make strange bedfellows, marriage does.

Groucho Marx

Talking to a liberal is like trying to explain social media to a 70 years old.

The worst part about politics is that you’re always right and no one ever knows it.

If con is the opposite of pro, then is Congress the opposite of progress?

I belong to the Straight Talking American Government Party, or STAG Party for short.

Pat Paulsen

Being in politics is like being a football coach: you have to be smart enough to understand the game and dumb enough to think it’s important. – McCarthy’s Law

In politics, stupidity is not a handicap.

Napoleon Bonaparte

An independent is a guy who wants to take the politics out of politics.

Adlai E. Stevenson

I asked my North Korean friend how it was there, he said he couldn’t complain.

The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.

Will Rogers

Late one night a mugger wearing a ski mask jumped into the path of a well-dressed man and stuck a gun in his ribs.

“Give me your money,” he demanded.

Indignant, the affluent man replied, “You can’t do this – I’m a US Congressman!”

“In that case,” replied the robber, “Give me MY money!”

In archaeology you uncover the unknown. In diplomacy you cover the known.

Thomas Pickering

The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. They came up with that name using Operation Random Thesaurus.

Jimmy Fallon

Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build bridges, even where there are no rivers.

Nikita Kruschchev

If you are tired of hearing how stupid our politicians are, maybe a few good giggles can help you accept the bizarre situation that we are into right now. We have gathered 21 outrageous political jokes to help keep your sanity on during these tough times.

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