Wedding Jokes

Speaking at a wedding reception is probably one of the hardest things to do. Apart from the newlyweds, you will certainly become everybody’s center of attention. This the reason why they come fully prepared on the day of the wedding in order to prevent any embarrassing moments that could steal the spotlight from the newlyweds.

If you are the master of ceremonies, maid-of-honor, or the best man and you don’t know what to say, the best ice breaker that you can deliver to the guests are these wedding jokes that we have compiled for you.

All of the jokes here are certified fresh and hilarious. Feel free to choose which ones you think you are allowed to say.

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It would be wonderful someday to see ______ (bride) and ______ (groom) have children. I think people who never have children just don’t understand what they’re missing. They’ll never know the thrill of coming home after a hard day’s work to see their children stuffing spaghetti up their noses.

I’m not a yes man to my wife – when she says no, I say no. It’s not so much who wears the pants, but how much money is in the pockets.

Children are essential in modern day life – without them, how the hell would you program your DVD?

In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.

In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.

In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

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She (the bride) loves the finer things in life. I overheard her when the minister was going through the vows – she said: “What’s all this garbage about for richer or for poorer?”

Husband to wife: Why do you keep reading our marriage license?

Wife to Husband: I’m looking for a loophole.

Didn’t she (the bride) look absolutely gorgeous as she swept down the aisle. Well, _____ (groom’s name), you can be sure that’s the very last time you will see her sweep!

They married for better or for worse – He couldn’t have done better, and she couldn’t have done worse!

It was the first night of the newlyweds in their bridal suite and the young husband was staring out the window very intently into the starry night while his young bride was sitting patiently in bed waiting.

“Aren’t you coming to bed darling?” She said sexily.

“Not on your life!”He replied. “My mother said this would be the most wonderful night of my life and I’m not going to miss it for anything!”.

The groom was not a pretty baby – his mother got morning sickness after he was born.

For newly married couples, there is a progression of rings: the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering!

Marriage isn’t for everybody – men for instance!

I always cry at weddings, especially my own.

The first time I ever set eyes on the bride I was awestruck by her looks – to me she was ‘drop dead gorgeous’, I said to her ‘you’re gorgeous’, she said ‘drop dead!’

Did you hear about the newlyweds who stayed up all night waiting for their sexual relations to arrive?

The bride looks absolutely stunning, the groom looks absolutely stunned!

He has been in love with the same woman for 25 years – I hope his wife doesn’t find out.

Live each day as if it were your last – and each night as if it were your first!

I walked up the aisle and said ‘I do’. And I’ve been doing it ever since.

They’ve been going together for so many years, instead of the Wedding March the organist should have played the Hallelujah Chorus.

Love is blind and marriage is an institution, so why go to a blind institution?

If you’ve been invited to speak at a wedding ceremony, you will certainly feel the pressure of not making everyone laugh. Well, you can still do by telling them these wedding jokes that we have collected. Through these jokes, you will certainly prevent the guests – even the newlyweds – from getting bored.