Sarcastic Quotes

The world is full of jerks. Unfortunately, more people get bullied by them whether physically or emotionally. While it is illegal to inflict these undesirable people physical pain when you fall victim to their relentless bullying, you can safely whip out some creative and sarcastic comebacks to put them in their rightful place.

If you want to be creative with your comebacks, these quotes can help you. You will certainly enjoy using these 50 sarcastic quotes especially during situations where you cannot keep your emotions in check anymore. These sarcastic quotes came from smart personalities, celebrities, authors and other people who have found a way to bring down bullies by just flexing their sarcastic muscles.

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Unless your name is Google stop acting like you know everything.

I’m sorry while you were talking I was trying to figure where the hell you got the idea I cared.

Sarcasm: Helping the intelligent politely tolerate the obtuse for thousands of years.

You don’t believe in evolution? It’s okay; not all monkeys developed intelligence anyway.

1865

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.

Find your patience before I lose mine.

Just keep talking, I yawn when I’m interested.

Life’s good, you should get one.

Mirrors can’t talk, lucky for you they can’t laugh either.

I clapped because it’s finished, not because I like it.

Just because I don’t care doesn’t mean I don’t understand.

Homer Simpson

Cancel my subscription because I don’t need your issues.

People say that laughter is the best medicine… your face must be curing the world.

I don’t believe in plastic surgery. But in your case, go ahead.

I’m not listening, but keep talking. I enjoy the way your voice makes my ears bleed.

Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.

Ashleigh Brilliant

If you’re waiting for me to give a shit, you better pack a lunch. It’s going to be while.

If at first, you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

Are you always so stupid or is today a special occasion?

Sarcasm, because beating the crap out of people is illegal.

Everyone has the right to be stupid, but you are abusing the privilege.

You think you can take me? You need a fucking army if you gonna take me! – Tony Montana

My imaginary friend says that you need a therapist.

I feel so miserable without you, it’s almost like having you here.

Sarcasm is the body’s natural defense against stupidity.

Sarcasm: because arguing with stupid people just wouldn’t be as much fun.

So, you want to dance, Frank, or do you want to sit there and have a heart attack? – Elvira Hancock

Let’s share… You’ll take the grenade, I’ll take the pin.

If you find me offensive. Then I suggest you quit finding me.

I am busy right now, can I ignore you some other time?

Sarcasm is the secret language that everyone uses when they want to say something mean to your face.

Fighting with me is like being in the Special Olympics. You may win, but in the end, you’re still a retard.

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

That is the ugliest top I’ve ever seen, yet it compliments your face perfectly.

Always remember that you’re unique. Just like everyone else.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until they speak.

Steven Wright

Well, at least your mom thinks you’re pretty.

If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ.

Zombies eat brains. You’re safe.

Silence is golden. Duct tape is silver.

If had a dollar for every smart thing you say. I’ll be poor.

My neighbor’s diary says that I have boundary issues.

I’m not saying I hate you, what I’m saying is that you are literally the Monday of my life.

No, you don’t have to repeat yourself. I was ignoring you the first time.

I’d tell you to go to hell, but I work there and don’t want to see your ugly mug every day.

It’s okay if you don’t like me. Not everyone has good taste.

Just because the voices only talk to me doesn’t mean you should get all jealous. You’re just a little too crazy for their taste.

I’m sorry I hurt your feelings when I called you stupid. I really thought you already knew.

Sarcasm is the lowest form of wit! Yet it remains the funniest!

I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll be glad to make an exception.

You look good when your eyes are closed, but you look the best when my eyes closed.

Don’t worry about what people think. They don’t do it very often.

Are you in need of a short and smart comeback? These 50 sarcastic quotes will certainly do its job. Feel free to share these with your friends, family, loved ones – and even your haters.