Dirty Jokes

Let loose and get dirty! A dirty laugh borne out of a dirty joke will help you get by. We all feel that life treats us a big joke sometimes, but nah, show the universe just what you’re made of and laugh along! If not love, dark, dirty humor makes the whole world rolling. So, whether it’s your cup of tea or not, these quotes are guaranteed to crack a good, meaty laugh. Think you’re so sly? If you get these jokes below, then boy, you are sly.

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Why did the sperm cross the road?

Because I put on the wrong sock this morning.

A woman walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a double entendre.

So he gives it to her.

What’s the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

What do boobs and toys have in common?

They were both originally made for kids, but daddies end up playing with them.

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What did Cinderella do when she got to the ball?

She gagged.

What does a leper say after having sex with a prostitute?

Keep the tip.

What do a Rubik’s cube and a penis have in common?
The more you play with them, the harder they get

What do you call a herd of cows masturbating?

Beef strokin’ off.

What did the sanitary napkin say to the fart?

You are the wind beneath my wings.

What’s the difference between your dick and a bonus check?

Someone’s always willing to blow your bonus.

What’s the difference between your wife and your job?

After five years, your job will still suck.

What’s the difference between a woman with PMS and a terrorist?

You can negotiate with a terrorist.

What do you do if your wife starts smoking?

Slow down and possibly use some lubricant.

What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
A: Two Test-tickles

What’s the difference between your boyfriend and a condom?

Condoms have evolved: They’re not so thick and insensitive anymore.

How do you embarrass an archaeologist?

Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.

Why are hurricanes normally named after women?

When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.

How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?
He forgot to wrap his Whopper!

What did one lesbian vampire say to another lesbian vampire?

Same time next month?

What’s the difference between a pick-pocket and a peeping tom?

One snatches your watch. The other watches your snatch.

What do you call someone who refuses to fart in public?

A private tutor.

Everyone needs a dose of dirty jokes every now and then. You can surely not laugh about a joke that is so half-baked, but you can never hold your laughter if you’re presented with the right amount of dirty humor on your plate. Anyone who has not laughed because of a dirty joke even once in their lives, well, didn’t probably really get it.

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